It's such a major devil's chess piece in my life.
You know, most people have an angel and a devil residing inside them... or at least figuratively.
If you were to give each form of wrath and each form of grace a respective angel or devil chess piece as a mere representation, then my jealous 'devil' chess piece will be the biggest and most powerful one. (But it's power is sort of on the decline now cuz I try to cut off all such frustrating and manipulating emotions and feelings.)
In the past, when I got jealous, the huge "devil" side will take ultimate control of my mind and I will do really horrible/ mean stuff. Sometimes I live by the "principle" of not allowing others to have what I do not. I confessed to my mum (lol) recently about one of the awful things (back in those younger years wts) I did out of jealousy. And I guess she was rather flabbergasted with what I did at such a young age... When I still appeared all innocent and naive. :/ But all's well. I am no longer like that. But it still constantly bugs me and I really can't imagine how powerful such an emotion is.
Lately, I am just trying to appear heartless most of the time. I will make really snide remarks about stuff. Cuz I don't wanna appear all empathizing and emotional. I wanna be a robot! :D At least robots are programmed to do something. Not like the aimless zombie (which may better off be dead. Or it's already dead to begin with). Now I am really ren-ing. Just like what she told me to.
p.s. I can't find the person I wanna find. haha. deadly.
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